Is It That Time Already?

Boat Show Etiquitte 101

After a year of waiting, it is here again. It is time the duty of all boaters to put aside any and all obligations that might interfere with the almighty Boat Show. Landlubbers will never understand the feeding frenzy that is created by those two simple words. Whether you are a seasoned pro or a newbie to the game, there are always a few pointers worth brushing up on. There are countless periodicals that offer some very sage advice in your search for that new boat yet at the risk of appearing to be overly smug, I have yet to see any advice that deals with the unspoken and subtle nuances of surviving boat shows. Until now. 1. Always bring gummy bears. You heard me. Yes salesmen are there to answer questions, but for those times when they don't know when to quit, encourage them to eat your gummy bears. That will buy you a few minutes in which to make your getaway.

2. Rent a tux. Never smile, look like you're deep in thought and say "hmmm" a lot. All other customers will suddenly become invisible to the sales people. A red carnation will really push you over the top and you will never be asked to remove your shoes in order to climb aboard. 3. One of the most common questions asked of prospective buyers is whether or not they will be trading in their current boat. Many a sale can depend on how much you can get for your trade. Whatever you do-I cannot stress this enough, never ask how much you can get if you trade in your wife as well. You might get top dollar but I guarantee it will be a very long cold walk home. Plus you'll never own any boat ever again. 4. Another important piece of advice regarding your spouse's feelings. It might be the perfect boat with a price lower than an ant's belly but if the salesperson happens to be a bubbly blond bimbo you'll never own it. Talk to men only. Remember the golden rule: Happy wife=shiny new boat. 5. There's always money to be found somewhere. Your kid's college fund? Why not? Higher education is definitely overrated and with tuition costs spiraling out of control, you'll never have enough money to send them to college anyway. Buy the boat. 6. Salespeople, the good ones anyway, are keenly aware of body language. This will work to your advantage. A checkbook should protrude conspicuously out of your front pocket. Note: It should be a phoney one-never bring real blank checks. To the astute salesman, this screams "ready to buy". Once again all other potential buyers will vanish. 7. Buying a boat starts at home. You have a year to plan for the next boat show season so start the planning early. Be a little nicer to your spouse. Flowers for no reason, a romantic dinner (don't overdue it). These things will give the illusion that you are acting out of love. When it's show time, your kindness will have had its subliminal effect. Sneaky? Of course, you're a guy remember? 8. Even though it seems to defy all logic, if you have little kids, bring them. You'll need some time by yourself away from the non-stop drone of a salesperson to give a boat a thorough exam before you buy. Now those little tikes can finally earn their keep. Ask the salesman to watch them for a minute-of course he will if it means a sale. After a couple of hours the little rug rats will have broken down the best salesman to the point that they will give you the boat if you will just leave- and take the little ones with you. As with any sage advice, not all of these pointers will work for all people, in every situation, all the time. Pick a few and adapt them to your situation and personality. But do be careful. Buyers might not be the only ones reading this!!

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